A wedding can be so crazy busy and we get so caught up in the planning and the details that we forget to be intentional with our quiet time and our prayers during our engagement.
If you’re anything like me, the day you got engaged (and long before) you started praying for your future hubby and marriage. Long before I even knew Josh, I was talking to God about marriage. My hopes, dreams, prayers and fears.
But somewhere in the midst of peonies and bridesmaids dresses I stopped praying for my marriage!
Luckily, there were so many people praying with me and for me. We were blessed with many people who were SO encouraging during our time of engagement! We got some amazing advice (and a few nuggets of pretty terrible advice) from people excited to share what they had learned or heard about marriage.
And so, I want to share those prayers! Things I have prayed over my own very new marriage, things I have been praying over my friends who are newly married (and my lovelies that are single because it’s never too early to be praying!), and some wise words other people have blessed us with.
1 – I pray that you don’t just “put God first” but that you involve Him in every part of your marriage. This is something that our wonderful pastor said to us as we had our premarital counseling and I have held onto it every day since then!
Life is not about a list of priorities where God is first, marriage is second, family is third and so on. But rather life is all about Him. It’s His love story and we are merely here to share His love with others. So keep Him at the center, yes, but also keep Him in every crevice of your marriage and life.
As you live, fight, grocery shop and “sleep” 😉 together. Literally, every aspect of marriage should involve Him. Don’t just have devotion time together but allow everyday normal conversations to revolve around Him. Bring Him up at dinner or while driving to a friend’s house. Immerse yourself in Him and your marriage will be dripping with His love.
2 – I pray that you respect each other. This seems so simple and so easy. But in the everyday grind of living and sharing a home, in the comfort of knowing each other deeply, we sometimes lose this respect without meaning to. I pray that you’re intentional about telling each other what you appreciate about each other, even if it’s as simple as him always locking the front door before bed. Respect is so vital in any relationship and, biblically, we should be respecting our spouses! (1 Peter 3)
3 – I pray you act like love even when you don’t feel love. One piece of amazing advice we got was from a friend who had gotten married a year before us. When she got married her sister told her: Even when you’re fighting and you’re annoyed with each other, do what needs to be done. Serve him anyway. You don’t have to do it for him but God calls us to love and that means doing things we sometimes don’t want to do because we are mad. Cook dinner anyway, clean anyway, wash the clothes anyway because being a good wife isn’t about him, it’s about you loving like Christ and obeying His will.
This includes your tone being loving! When we’re annoyed, people can hear it in the tone of our voice. Be intentional about speaking with love. Sometimes it’s hard, but it’s always worth it.
When we ACT like love we are being obedient to God’s command to love as He loves.
4 – I pray that you let the little things go. If you’ve been hanging around Little Light for a while you know from my previous post that my word this year has been “perspective”. This came from planning a wedding, but I have carried it into marriage, work, and life in general.
It’s easy to get mad and heated over something like dirty clothes on the floor when we are tired from a long week. But really, let’s not cause an argument over a few articles of clothing. My sister told me long ago (before I had even met Josh) that when I got married I should put things into perspective of the bigger picture. Is a dirty dish on the nightstand really that big of a deal that we need to cause a two hour fight over it? Not at all.
When I feel myself getting annoyed or mad over something I try to stop and really figure out what’s going on. Am I mad because the issue at hand is worth being mad at? Or am I mad because I’m tired and hungry and ready to just go to bed? 99% of the time this brings me back down to reality!
5 – I pray you don’t allow others to speak badly into your marriage. This one I have learned through a few friends who have allowed others to speak badly and it has ultimately affected their marriage. And I’ve also learned this from the example set from the few couples in my life who stop the “bad talk” dead in its tracks.
First off, we as wives shouldn’t be complaining about our husbands. I’m not talking about the “we have a serious issue and I need advice” kind of talking, I mean the “I’m so sick of my husband” and “all he does is watch TV” and every other complaint I have heard about husbands. It’s easier for others to speak badly about your husband if you are speaking badly about him as well. I pray that you speak LIFE into your marriage. I pray you lift him up in prayer and speak joyfully about him to others.
6 – I pray that you remain friends. Everyone says this. Everyone knows that this is a great key to being happily married. And it’s so true. Just in my few weeks of marriage, I have seen how being friends with your spouse is so vital. When you enjoy hanging out with each other and can laugh together you will enjoy marriage more.
My prayer for you is that you continue to “hang out” and be friends. I pray that you continue to do the things you did while dating and that you learn about each other and have fun together. One of my favorite quotes says, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” Don’t stop playing!
7 – I pray that you continue to learn and grow. I am sometimes – almost always – okay pretty much 90% of the time – a know it all. I think we all are to some degree, right? Guess what? We don’t know everything! I pray that you are open to Godly advice and that you are able to continuously learn how to be a better wife. We will never be perfect and that means we will always be able to grow. Allow your heart to be open to hearing from your husband what you need to work on. I pray that you will seek Godly counsel from other wives who can help you grow and learn.
8 – I pray you ask for forgiveness and learn to forgive. I pray that you have a kind heart when your husband messes up and a humble heart when you mess up. The thing is, you will always mess up and he will always mess up. But don’t let each other’s imperfections get in the middle of a marriage that God can use. When you know you are wrong, ask for forgiveness. When it’s hard to ask for forgiveness or to forgive others, seek Him and He will give you the words to say. Serve with a humble, kind, and graceful heart.
9 – I pray that you hold your marriage as sacred. In today’s culture, so much is readily available to us: attractive men, women, porn, harmless friendships with the opposite sex. My prayer for you is that you guard your marriage with a fervent desire to keep it holy. Your spouse should be your number one. Your bestie and all others will just have to take a back seat!
When Josh and I got engaged, someone told me that my marriage would be the most sacred relationship I have. Not only is marriage vastly different than any other relationship, but it is a picture of our Father and His bride. You made a covenant with him and with God, and keeping a covenant is more than just wearing a ring on your finger and changing your name. It is protecting that covenant like a mother bear protects her cubs. I pray that anything and anyone who is threatening your covenant will be cut out.
10 – I pray you remember who your Savior is. You, friend, are God’s child. You are loved and treasured by the King of kings. You serve an amazing, holy Father. He is your Savior; your husband is not.
My prayer for you is that your heart holds firmly to this. People and things WILL let us down. Situations will cause you pain. But He offers peace and comfort and truth! I pray that you remember this when your husband lets you down, when he messes up and brings tears to your eyes. He is human, you are human. You both will fail each other. If you have put each other on a pedestal, you will be greatly disappointed. But our Father is a perfect Savior and will never let you down! Remember that you did not marry your savior, but rather your Savior brought you two into this union to grow closer to Him together.
Never stop praying, friend. Pray when it’s just you and God. Pray when it’s you and a boyfriend. Pray when it’s you and a fiance and pray when it’s you and the hubby. When we stop praying over our lives and (future) marriages we open ourselves up to the enemy’s lies. When we focus on those lies we begin to believe them, and when we begin to believe them we begin to lose all that is sacred to us. Allow Christ to be right up in your life and marriage and He will use it more than you could have ever imagined!
I would love to hear the prayers that were prayed over your marriages! Share in the comments below a prayer that you pray or one that someone has prayed over your marriage!