Last week I told y’all why I hate Valentine’s Day. I know, I’m un-American, right? But I have good reason to hate it!
With my dislike of V-Day out on the table, I was thinking about how the whole reason I don’t like it is because it’s a false picture of what love is. Not only love but how we should love in relationships. That got me thinking about the way we love our spouses.
We shouldn’t just show our spouse or significant other how much we love them on Valentine’s Day. We should show them daily. Because that’s what love is. A daily decision to serve that person and put their needs above our own, to chose to be with them and encourage them.
So this got me thinking, what do I do that makes Josh feel loved? What can I do better at? So I asked. He said, “You keep the house clean and cook dinner. When you are present and in the moment with me. When we have inside jokes.”
Sparking up this conversation with him not only gave me insight into his brain and what makes him feel most loved but it also sparked a great conversation about love languages and servanthood in marriage.
And then I thought, well shoot, I wonder what makes other husbands feel loved! I know that not every man is the same so I took to Facebook and Instagram to see what makes other husbands feel most loved. I asked all my friends to ask their husbands, “What do I do that makes you feel most loved?”
Not going to lie, the answers shocked me to some degree. They were pretty similar to Josh’s answers. And not one answer about sex! Don’t lie, you were expecting someone’s answer to be sex related too!
I loved reading all the ways that my friend’s husbands feel loved. It gave me all kinds of warm fuzzies.
One friend commented that her hubby said, “When you tell me you’re praying for me throughout the day.” Yes! It’s so important to not only pray for our husbands but to let them know that we’re praying for them. And to ask them what they might need prayer for that day.
I seriously can’t tell you how fun it was hearing everyone’s answers!!
Here are some of the answers I got from my friends on social media:
Take care of the home: Keep things tidy and clean. The home should be a place of rest and refreshing. I know that I can’t relax if I come home and my house is messy and dirty. Create a home that makes your spouse feel relaxed in. It should be a safe haven for both of you!
Cook dinner: “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, right? You could even cook together and make it a fun experience! Nothing says love like providing a yummy meal!
“Lays my clothes out for work, makes dinner, takes the best care of our children, I could go on forever”
“make him dinner” – This seemed to be a common answer 🙂
“there’s so many, I want to choose a good one! I like it when you bring me home little care packages of Pringles and beef jerky”
Leave him notes: If you pack his lunch you can leave a note in his lunch bag, or leave little notes where he might find them one day. Tuck one in the pages of his Bible, under his pillow, in one of his work shoes, maybe in one of his suitcases if he travels a lot! There are so many different places to leave notes! Get creative!
“My husband says when I leave him post it notes. I will write a love note to him on a post it before bed, he always goes to bed earlier than me, then leave it in a different place each time. Kitchen, on mirror, on his shoes for work, rearview mirror in car, or wherever I think of. About 3 months ago I opened a box in our closet, a stack full of post it notes was in it. Some were even from 3 years ago.”
Be present when together: It’s so easy for us to get distracted and not even talk to our spouses when we are sitting right next to them. I am so guilty of this. Now that Josh mentioned this, I am trying to do a better job about eliminating distractions when we are together. My phone is a huge problem for me so I will put my phone on silent and face down so I’m not distracted by notifications.
“Her eyes tell me. Even when she tells me, her eyes tell me with her soul. It makes me warm and fuzzy…”
“Heather stops what she is doing sometimes and looks at me, smiles and then kisses me and tells me she loves me. It’s at random times so it’s like her heart just fluttered when she saw me and need to tell/show me she loves me.”
Know his love language and “speak” it: One of the things Josh and I have in common is our love languages. If you’ve never read the book, I suggest you click here and buy it. It is so insightful and has really helped me be aware of how others like to be shown love. Josh and I are fortunate enough to both have physical touch as our top one. I’m learning as the months of married life go on that we both really appreciate acts of service as well. Whatever it may be for you and your husband, find out how he likes to be loved and then DO IT!
One blogger friend who’s husband is in the military and currently deployed said, “You put your dreams on hold to raise our family. You pretty much gave your life to me. You don’t ever complain or try to keep me from doing my duty. You have been a model military spouse. Working just as hard as me to get through this time away and I know I don’t have to worry about any problems at home”
As I read back over all the comments over the next day or so I began to notice a trend.
Our men don’t need big fancy displays of love. They feel most loved when we love intentionally. When we do something small just to make sure they know we love them and we’re thinking of them. When we express our love in small ways every day. Those small little gestures speak volumes!
I think one friend put it perfectly. He said, “She always lights up when she sees me. Always reaches to hold my hand. Communicates with me throughout the day…often just kissy emojis but I know I’m on her mind. She never makes plans without me. We as a couple always come before her plans. She always says I love you. She always wants one more hug and kiss before I leave. It’s not some incongruent act or word…it’s most everything she does…”
It’s most everything she does. Such a powerful statement right there!
Y’all. I not only needed to hear these answers but I also gained so much wisdom from asking one simple question.
As a new wife, I am always worried if I’m doing a good enough job as a wife. Am I doing enough for him? Am I smothering him and doing too much? Am I doing what he needs or just what I feel might be right? Am I showing him how much I love him?
These answers tell me that when we love intentionally throughout the day, we are loving correctly. Our husbands know that we love them because we care about the little things like a clean home and cute little notes.
This is the love God meant for us when he created marriage. Not a love that needs grand gestures (although that is appreciated from time to time) but a love that is constant and deliberate.
I’m learning more and more that love needs to be intentional. We can’t say “I love you” yet never show it. We must be intentional about how we love our spouses. In doing that we are confirming our vows to them. We are showing them that they are important, they are treasured to us.
One of my favorite quotes says, “You actions speak so loudly that no one can hear what you say”. I think this is especially true in marriage.
Are we showing them that we love them? We should still say the words but it means so much more when we back those words up with action in our daily lives.
So, let’s extend the love from Valentine’s Day into our daily routine. Show your spouse how much you love them with small little things every single day!
Hearing feedback from my social media sites was so fun! I would love to hear from you too! What makes you feel most loved in marriage? Ask your husband too and comment below with his answer!