Something strange has happened to women in today’s culture. They seem to be focused solely on being a wife and mother. Women my age are either married with kids already or sad because they haven’t found “the one” and think something might be wrong with them. There’s something skewed in this way of thinking.
Were we created just to be wives? No. Just to be mothers? No. We were created to be ezers. Most people think of an ezer as it is written about in Genesis 2. “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” But there are so many biblical examples of women who are ezers either in addition to being married or even while single. *GASP* Single women in the bible?!?!
Ruth, widow and ezer to her mother in law. Dorcas, a mother to all and a woman of good works. Phoebe, a helper to Paul. It is never mentioned if she is married or not so marital status must not be that important, right? There are so many different ways that a woman can be a helpmate including marriage AND outside of just marriage. So why should single women in today’s world feel negatively about this?
In this time in my life I find myself going to engagement parties, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, and 1st birthday parties all the time!!! This past summer alone my boyfriend and I were invited to 6 weddings. A few bridal showers to go along with some of those weddings. Then there’s the million babies that my friends have popped out this year. We seem to be surrounded by an endless supply of rings, flowers, babies and congratulations.
As exciting as all this is, I also find that I brace myself for what comes when I attend these celebrations. Why? Because of the questions. The “When are you guys getting married?” and the “Dude, when are you popping the question?” to the poor BF. Then there’s the girls “Oh girl, you better get him on that!” and my ultimate favorite, “Don’t worry, your time will come!” followed with a look of pity. As if being 28 and not married is quite possibly the worst tragedy that I could ever encounter.
These questions and comments don’t annoy me because they hurt my feelings. Or because I feel “less than” because I am not married. They don’t even bother me because of the nosy nature of them. They bother me because I was not created to JUST be someone’s wife. I was not created to follow what today’s culture thinks my life should look like. No woman was. No person was! So, why is this the only thing people focus on?
When did life become about just getting married and having kids? What happened to being created for Him? What happened to Christian women being focused on His plan and His mission? It’s like we have somehow forgotten that Christ had a plan in all this. Getting married and having children is a benefit to this life we live. Those things are blessings that Christ allows us to have. And they are suppose to be used to glorify Him.
Would I one day like to be married to an amazing man and have little kiddos running around? Yes. Absolutely. Without a doubt. Do I think that marriage and kids are in God’s plan for my life? One hundred percent. But if there’s one thing I have learned in my life it’s that my life is His. It’s not my own. My job on this earth is not to do what I want when I want. My job is to create disciples. To share the love of Christ. To strive everyday to be like Him. To serve others. PART of His plan for me is to be a wife. PART of His plan for me might be motherhood. But there’s SO much more that He has planned for my life as well. So many other ways He can use me!
It’s almost like people think that’s the only thing that I can think about. Getting married. Like people feel bad for me because I don’t have a husband. That’s the least of my worries. If Christ has marriage in the works for me, it will happen. It will happen in His timing. I’m not worried about “ending up alone” because I will never be alone in the presence of my Lord. I am not worried about “being too old to have kids” because I worship a God that provides the desires of our hearts when we follow Him (I can’t even tell you how many times people have reminded me that I am nearing the end of my “prime time” to have kids). I’m not worried about any of that. Why? Because God is in control. Because I was created for more than just marriage. Because I am an ezer no matter my marital status.
Last year I read a book called Lost Women of the Bible. This book changed my way of thinking in a huge way. The author wrote this book because she found herself, a Christian woman, not married and wondered if there was something wrong with her. There are so many Christian women who never get married. Are they somehow not following God’s will because they haven’t “found a husband”? So she took to researching the Book we were given to live by. She found an enormous amount of evidence that suggests women were not created JUST for marriage. Say what?!?!
I personally picked this book up because I was hoping to learn more about the women in the Bible: Esther, Tamar, Dorcus, etc. I was looking more for a women’s study book to read. So I bought it without knowing the history of why the book was written. And geez, did I get a blessing! God knew exactly what I needed to hear!
The point of the book was to look at God’s purpose for women. As a whole. Not just today’s cultural understanding. Not just the “old fashioned” understanding. What is GOD’S purpose. There were a few chapters that really stuck out to me and changed my way of thinking about Christian women. I highly suggest reading the whole book if you ever have the opportunity!
Through reading this book and digging into scriptures about God’s purpose for women, I learned that I can be used by God no matter my stage in life. It doesn’t matter if I am single, married, pregnant, infertile, young, old. What matters is that I am serving Him. What matters is that I am sharing Him daily with those around me. What matters is if I am continually growing in Him!
One day, I pray God uses my husband and I for whatever He has for us. I pray that we can come together as a team and be a light to those around us. One day I hope to teach my kids about God’s love and to be an example of His grace and to create disciples of them.
Right now, God is using me in ways I never thought were possible. He is still changing me and using other people to mold me. He has put an amazing leader in my life and I am so grateful to be a part of his life and to be his helpmate! Right now, in this stage of life God is shaping me and molding me into someone He sees fit to be a wife. Right now I am NOT a wife. But I am a bride. I am a bride to an Almighty God. And that’s enough for me!
So, let me encourage those who might feel “less than” because they think they don’t have what everyone else has. Guess what? You have something incredibly special. You have the love of Christ. You have the opportunity to be an example of an ezer. Of a single, Godly woman living as example that God can and will use people in EVERY stage of life. It took me a very, very long time to be okay with the fact that all my friends seemed to be ahead of me in life. God changed my heart and I now understand that there is no comparison to what we each have in Christ or where we are at in life.
So from one ezer to another: it’s okay to want marriage and kids and all that comes with it, I know I do! But don’t let that be your focus. Don’t let that be your idol. Be a bride. Because whether you’re single or married in culture’s standards, He will come for His Bride!