When Krystal and I started this blog we had the heart of ministry. We had the heart of change: changing women’s ministry into something real and raw and solid and Gospel-centered. Somewhere along the way I got lazy. I began to write for the people who might be reading and not for the women who need this as much as I do. I began to take other people’s opinions into consideration before praying about what direction God wanted me to take. I jumped on the comparison boat!
Not that I wasn’t writing from my heart because I absolutely was. I write what I feel, what I’m going through, what I’ve learned, and what the Lord has placed on my heart. But, somewhere along the way I began to write with other people in my head rather than purely relying on Christ to direct my words.
I noticed that I had begun to write and THINK about what I was writing. I would think, “How will this blogger like this” or “What will this person think of this post” or even “Oh, I can’t say that, it might offend so and so”.
I’m not sure why this happened. I’m not sure when I noticed it but I did notice that I began to “think and write” more than “pray and write”.
Have you been in this boat before? Are you in it now? Are you so consumed with what other’s might think that you’ve slowly turned your heart away from the one opinion that truly matters?
I’m right there with you, friend!
I know this isn’t the only time that this has happened to me. I know that in the past it was my clothes or body or the way I spoke, the places I went that I was comparing. I have done this many times before. And every time I have been gently reminded by my Father that HE should be my focus. He is the one who called us to this ministry, He is the one guiding my words. He is the one using my words. He is the only one who can make something out of this blog and use it to bless others. He is the only one who truly matters.
But it never fails, as much as I know that He is the only one that matters, I still continue to struggle with this comparison of my life and other’s lives.
Even now, in my few weeks of marriage, I have begun the comparison game. I have begun to think about what people might think or say about our marriage and the way we do things. The way I am a wife, the way I serve him. What we spend our money on (or choose NOT to spend our money on). Why we are in an apartment and not in a house, why we don’t go out to eat like we used to, etc. I have had a moment of worry when I think about people telling me that it’s silly for me to clean and cook and serve him. I have had moments when I compare where other people are at in their marriages and lives.
But here’s the thing. God has ME in THIS place right here. He has chosen me to be Josh’s wife. He has placed on my heart to be the kind of wife that I am and love him the way that I do. He has placed this blog on Krystal and I’s hearts. So why should I doubt that? Who am I to question that? If He has called me to this place, He will surely use it for His glory. And if He has called me to this place, I should be seeking His approval and no one else’s.
So, I’m going to sit here in this place of peace with my Father. I’m going to rest in the assurance that His plan for me is greater than anyone else’s plans or thoughts or opinions.
I’m going to obey.
And I’m going to be confident in the choices I have made because I know I am right where God needs me and I know that my plan, my life, my marriage will not look like everyone else’s. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’m going to do my best to put other’s opinions out of my mind when I know they contradict what my Savior has for me right now. I’m just going to sit in this place for a while and relax in His love and in the knowledge that He is in control.
Putting other’s opinions out of the picture is hard to do, right? You hear opinions and harsh words. And sometimes you don’t know how to respond or how to defend yourself! And whoever made up “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” is straight up lyin’ y’all! Words hurt!
It’s so hard not to jump on the comparison boat, especially when we have others telling us how they think it should be. But rest assured that we live for Christ. We are here on this Earth for His plan, His glory, His use. So why allow other people to create discontentment in our lives when we serve the God of the Universe and HE knows what’s best for us?
If this is you, if you’re in this boat with me and you’ve been placing too much importance in the opinions of others, jump ship! Get off that boat and allow Christ to cover your heart and worrisome mind with peace. Is anyone else with me on this? Are you willing to be exactly where He needs you to be no matter what anyone else might think? Don’t be afraid to stand apart from what everyone else might be saying or doing. Stand firm in who you are in Christ and the decisions He has brought you to in your life. It will be well worth it!