Wedding season is in full swing and while I just got married, I also know a handful of other people who have gotten married this summer or are getting married this fall. Weddings are so fun and so full of love! They are a time for friends and family to get together and celebrate the love that is shared between the bride and groom. I just love weddings and what they represent!
While weddings are fun and lovely they can also be crazy stressful. Sometimes weddings create stress and drama. A lot of the time families will bicker over wedding decisions and guest lists. The bride and groom might have a tif about color schemes or food options. Something about planning a wedding brings out a different side of people!
One thing Josh and I tried to do was to remember the bigger picture of our wedding day. Because here’s the thing about weddings…
It’s not about the wedding.
It’s not about the dress or the food or the color schemes. It’s not about the bridal party looking exactly the same or your groom wearing what YOU want him to wear. Yes, those things make for a beautiful wedding but the thing that matters most is the three of you. Yep, you read that right, THREE. God, him, and you.
What matters is that you are becoming one before God. You are making a covenant not only with your fiance, but with God. You are promising your Father that you will stand by this man’s side forever. Forever! FOR-EV-ER!! (if you just said that like Squints from The Sandlot you are officially one of my favorite people!)
The wedding day isn’t about the wedding. It’s about the covenant being made. And guess what you don’t need in order to make a covenant? A dress. Flowers. Bridesmaids. Shoes. The perfect caterer. Legit anything that a wedding involves other than you and him (and your officiant to make it legal!)
So many times I have seen brides stress themselves out over one day. One day in your entire life. And can I tell you a secret? All those things you’re stressing over and losing sleep over won’t matter when it comes time to live out your covenant.
What’s important is that you wake up every day and choose to love you husband. What matters is that you act like love even when you don’t feel love. The most important thing that will happen is that you die to yourself every day and put his needs above your own.
A wedding is just a wedding. It’s just the celebration of the covenant. It’s what happens after you say those vows that really matters.
It’s easy to say your vows, say I love you, cry when you walk down the aisle and when you say goodbye to your parents at the end of the night. It’s easy to feel an overwhelming sense of joy on your wedding day but what’s really hard, is putting those vows into action day after day. Being by his side even in the toughest times.
To keep my head in the right place, I tried to remind myself of a few things in our time of engagement and wedding planning:
1- It’s not about me. It’s about us. All three of us! It’s not about anyone else. It’s ultimately about God. It’s about entering into a marriage that we will work at every single day. It’s about God using our marriage to share His love and to create disciples.
2- This is just ONE day: This will be a beautiful day, a happy day as it should be. But it is just one day. People will remember the love that is shared, not the favors you hand out. People will remember the joy on your face, not the shoes that the bridesmaids wear. People will remember the happiness that is conveyed when you walk into the reception, the funny things people say before you get in the car and head off to the honeymoon (because there’s always that ONE person!). No one really cares about the centerpieces and flowers or the tables being round or rectangle. I promise you none of that will matter after it’s all said and done and I promise you that if something goes wrong most people won’t even notice. And if they do they surely won’t remember it in 5 years! But what they should see in 5 years is a covenantal love. They should see you two growing in Christ. They should see your vows in action.
3- What is important? – I tried to remind myself of what was important anytime I got stressed. My mantra during our engagement was “If he’s there and I’m there and we end up married at the end of the day then nothing else matters.” This truly created such a better headspace for me! Times when things didn’t go exactly how I had planned or wanted I would say this to myself and almost instantly I would come back down to reality! Reminding myself of this made my wedding so “non-stressful”.
4- Put any issues into perspective: Anytime there was an issue I would try to put it into perspective and weigh the risk. “Okay, if I obsess over this and go bridezilla over it, is it worth the consequences?”, “If this issue doesn’t get resolved what is the worst thing that could happen?”.
Most of the time I ended up letting it go. There was only one disagreement that I did not back down from because I knew the argument/trouble was worth it. So ask yourself: Is arguing over a color scheme worth fighting with your fiance over? Is the issue in question worth putting tension on a friendship or relationship with a family member? I’d say 99% of the time the answer will be no, it’s not worth it. Then drop it and that’s one less thing you have to worry about!
For me, I just wanted to marry my best friend. I didn’t care too much about what that looked like or where that was. I just wanted to be able to call him my husband and to start our lives together. We were so ready for that and keeping our eyes on what truly mattered created such a more positive wedding planning atmosphere.
If you are in the process of planning a wedding or maybe you are single and you have that secret wedding book you’ve been adding things to for when your “special day” comes, I urge you to really pray about where your heart is on this topic. Are you so focused on a wedding and making it the “perfect day” that you lose sight of what that day is REALLY about?
I truly believe our wedding was perfect. Did everything go as planned: no. Did everything look exactly the way I might have wanted: no. Did everyone do what they were supposed to do: no. BUT it was still perfect. It was perfect because we got to be united in front of our family and closest friends. It was perfect because we were surrounded with so much love. It was perfect because we got married and we began our lives together as one before God.
Am I saying it’s wrong to want a grand wedding day? Am I saying that you shouldn’t plan it the way you want it? Or that it’s a sin to want your special day to be perfect? No. That’s not it at all! Most girls dream of their wedding day for a long time and it’s okay to want everything to be exactly how you pictured it.
What I’m saying is to keep your eyes on Christ. Keep your head and your heart focused on Him and your fiance. You two are getting married! The two of you together forever! That’s a big thing and God designed it, so keep the focus on that. If something doesn’t work out or the venue you think is perfect is all booked up, don’t let it ruin everything else.
It’s okay to plan your wedding down to the last detail. And it’s okay to put your heart, soul and time into making this day as special as possible! But don’t let your expectations of perfect rob you of the true reason for the wedding.
Remember that time my sister and blog partner went rogue? If you’re a newlywed check out this post for some awesome marriage advice!